Defamatory Tales
by Halfsan
Summary: -Oneshot- Dan and the impostor take a stroll on the internet and find fanfiction of themselves. Jerkshipping.


**Super cracky story. There is no fourth wall here. This was inspired by an Imagine Your OTP prompt I found on tumblr, so yeah. Uh, also, the Jerks aren't bashing any specific fanfiction in this story! Hehe. Enjoy!**

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Dan was nearly about to grind his teeth down to powder. The room was silent, other than the occasional sound of the impostor ticking away at the keys on his computer. Every now and then a click of the mouse would be heard, and then a soft chuckle would escape his lips. It was to the point where Dan was about to jam something sharp into his ears to rendering his hearing useless. Or maybe ramming his fist down that impostor's throat would be more satisfying?

Another laugh. Frustrated, Dan jumped from his seat, stomping over to the impostor. "Just_what_ is so funny?" Irritated he was, but Dan couldn't deny the mild curiosity that accompanied his rage. He placed a hand on the identity thief's shoulder, shoving him aside slightly so he could get a better look at the screen. "What _is_ this?"

"They're stories. About all of us." The phrasing of that seemed to imply that there were stories about Chris and Elise as well. Dan squinted to focus on the bright screen, carefully scanning the contents. "Some of them are quite interesting," the impostor explained. The screen flickered as the identity thief changed webpages, and Dan frowned.

"Tumblr…? I hope they notice that obvious typo," he said, rolling his eyes. Stupid web designers and thinking spelling things differently—_incorrectly_—makes them "hip" …but soon another word caught his attention. "Wait, go back." The impostor did as instructed, slowly scrolling back up through the page until Dan held his hand up. "_Jerkshipping_… what's that?"

"Guess there's only one way to find out." And with that the identity thief clicked on the title to open the story. Dan couldn't even read the first sentence without that stupid impostor chuckling again. "Aww, that's cute. When people write about me, they call me _Dan_. And they add a little asterisk so readers can differentiate." Dan hardly acknowledged the comment as he continued reading the story. He was far too concerned the with horrendous amount of grammatical errors he spotted to care about the actual quality of the story.

Once Dan finally got past the butchered grammar, he read through the paragraphs, growling at his impostor for scrolling through too fast every now and then. Even so, Dan got the gist of the story. It was about him and the impostor. Most of the details were right, as far as he could tell. Their behavior and mannerisms were spot on and accurate and it almost seemed believable… until things started getting… _weird_. Dan could feel his stomach start to knot up uncomfortably, but once his eyes skimmed over _their lips met_, that's when Dan bellowed his concern.

"_EXCUSE ME_?" Dan balled up his fists in anger. "This is about _us_!" He took a moment to glance at his counterpart, who was tapping his chin in thought while his eyes narrowed with… intrigue, almost? He certainly didn't seem as horrified as Dan was. "This is an outrage!" With a growl, Dan attempted to reach for the mouse, only to have his wrist swiftly grabbed and halted.

"Hang on," he protested, laughing. "I wanna see how this ends." Dan merely grumbled in response, not really wanting to continue reading, but did so out of simple morbid curiosity. With each sentence, Dan cringed while the impostor continually flashed a hint of amusement upon his lips. It only seemed to get worse and worse and just when Dan felt he could read no more, it finally ended. "Well," his impostor began. "That was… interesting."

Dan snarled his nose up in disgust. "_Interesting_?! That was… over-exaggerated fictional nonsense purely created to fulfill the fantasies of a sick individual! No one would ever read such slander!"

The impostor rolled his eyes. "First of all, it's written, so technically it's libel. Second, this story has over two-thousand hits and three-hundred favorites. It seems a _lot_ of people fantasize about us like that." He clicked the back button and scrolled through the page for more stories. Dan regrettably glanced at the screen, catching sight of _Jerkshipping_ again. Is this seriously what people did in their free time? Write untrue, defamatory tales of two people that despise each other somehow falling in love? "Oho~" Dan's monologue was interrupted by the impostor's sudden intrigue. "This one has a _mature_ rating. Do we dare proceed?"

"Absolutely NOT!" Dan barked. Reading about the two of them sucking face was torture enough! Anything further than that… Dan shuddered, as he didn't even want to THINK about it. The impostor laughed at his reaction, and clicked the story anyway. "What did I JUST say?"

"You don't have to read it," he pointed out. "I'm just curious." _Curious about what_, Dan wondered. A defeated sigh escaped his lips, his absinthe green eyes hitting the monitor and reading the story. At least the grammar and punctuation was all correct. That was the only thing Dan could admit was good. Everything else was just… _embarrassing_. Particularly on Dan's part. The steamier things became in the story, the more humiliating story-Dan's behavior became. All that _desperate moaning_ and _begging_ and being _the bottom_ was the last straw.

Dan stomped away a few steps, crossing his arms over his chest. He could hear the squeak of the chair as the impostor turned to face him. "That's it!" Dan roared. "I refuse to read any more of these horribly inaccurate excuses for storytelling!"

"I dunno, Dan," his counterpart began, "I think they got you down pretty well." Dan didn't even have to look at his face to see the grin spread across his face. The simmering rage Dan had been holding back suddenly erupted. He spun on his heel, marching up to the telemarketer, angrily jabbing a finger in his chest.

"Shut up! I would _never_ in my life act so submissively!" Dan narrowed his eyes, glaring daggers at the impostor before adding, "especially to _you_!"

"Oh, yeah?" The impostor rose from his seat, causing Dan to back out of his way. There was an odd glint in his azure eyes that made Dan a bit uneasy… especially since the impostor kept slowly pacing towards him, eventually cornering Dan against the wall. His identical counterpart grabbed both of his shoulders and leaned in close to whisper against his ear. "Why don't you _prove it_?"

Dan felt his back slightly arch from the sudden chills that crawled down his spine. A small noise—a low-pitched whine—that he tried to keep at bay surfaced from his throat, and it was then Dan regained some semblance of his senses. With a light growl, his hands took hold of the impostor's wrists roughly, but he froze in place when he felt teeth gently nip at his earlobe. "Wh-what the _hell_ do you think you're d-doing?"

There was no immediate response from him. Instead the impostor's hands trailed from his shoulders down to Dan's hips. Stunned, his grip on the impostor's wrists slackened, before releasing them entirely. It was when chilled fingertips slowly peeked beneath the hem of Dan's shirt that caused him to suck in a sharp intake of air. One of the impostor's hands roamed Dan's torso while the other one cupped his ass. A groan escaped Dan's lips and he mentally swore as he clamped his mouth shut. _This was just like those stories…_

"What does it look like I'm doing?" the impostor finally spoke up. "I'm experimenting to see how true those stories were…" He chuckled by Dan's ear, his tongue gently sweeping along the inner shell, Dan shuddering again. "Will you actually call me _Dan_ once I dominate you?"

The heat in Dan's face only intensified. He _hoped_ not…

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**There's the end of it! I've kind of had the idea that maybe I should do some kind of follow up to this but... I dunno! Maybe if I get more ideas for it. OuO**


End file.
